we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
