Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
