I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
