I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
