their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
