I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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