I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
