Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
