My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
