All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
