The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
