Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
