so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
