3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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