Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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