I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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