I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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