Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
