Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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