how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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