Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
