Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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