Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
