dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
