There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
