My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
