How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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