This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
