shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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