She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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