she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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