Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
