She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
