if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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