Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
