there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All I want is dick and wine.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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