is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
