from now on my penis is your penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
