Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
