New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
