It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
