he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
