I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
