the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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