I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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