i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
