If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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