I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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