i permit you to call me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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