She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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