Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
