You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
