Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
