i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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