During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
