Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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