puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
