Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
