Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
