Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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