Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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