if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
