Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize