He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
