i just google imaged poop.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
