Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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