Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
