I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
