well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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