So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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