Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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