I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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