Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
