she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
