So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
