Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
