Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Life without a bra equals bliss.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
