he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize