My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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