my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize