we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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