i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
