based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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