Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
