Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
