no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
