Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
