WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
